The Fight for Your Child’s Well Being: Parental Allyship

In this tumultuous moment, corporations and privileged communities are learning how to support underrepresented groups in a way we have never seen before. From million-dollar corporate responsibility initiatives addressing economic disparities to editorial think pieces dissecting privileged activism, the world is awakening to appropriate allyship. Being an ally is an ongoing process that involves self-education and thoughtful, effective action to uplift a marginalized person or group. Our commitment to your child at Urban Playology is grounded in this very principle – partnering with your family at every step of the journey to manifest dopeness and facilitate the energy healing process.

You and I are working alongside each other to help your offspring find solid footing in their most difficult moments. As a champion of your success, I wanted to provide guidance to direct your parental allyship and help you deviate from some common missteps. 

Allies in Action

Your child needs a parent with an action plan. Some of us were raised by the previous generation where ‘just be thankful you have food on the table and clothes on your back’ was used as a dismissive daily slogan of intolerance. So, it may have been a huge step for you to allow your family to seek help, or even acknowledge your child’s emotional needs exist. While you have indeed taken a huge stride that will impact your lineage for decades and we applaud your strength to tear down generational impediments, it simply boils down to this: more work needs to be done. Your active, engaged, and measurable participation is required. When we define ourselves as an ally in action we think outside the scope of sympathy and enter into what I call the ally treatment plan, outlined below:

• Heal thyself. The flight attendant at every airline suggest that we put the oxygen mask on ourselves before helping others. The same rules apply to mental health services. We have customized a few different types of therapy for our caregivers as a foundational step towards healing their inner child. Trauma from our past that we have not properly dealt with shows up in our parenting. Your inner child is screaming through your thoughts and behaviors demanding that you learn how to love yourself. The question that we are helping you address is simple: Is my child’s behavior triggering something in me? 

• • Collaborate with the therapist. Schedule time with your clinician monthly to discuss treatment at length and be receptive to ideas on how you can step in as a resource. 
    • Example: Journal any observations or concerns that arise with your child in between their session. i.e.: are you noticing signs of anxiety? Depression? Come to your check-in armed with information/questions so we can show you what therapeutic actions to take. 
  • Acknowledge your shortcomings openly. The best part of allyship is the willingness to be educated – it’s okay not to have answers and mental health awareness takes time. Relinquish fear of appearances and openly admit your blind spots to your child and be prepared to hear more. When it becomes uncomfortable and scary, lean in. 

• Decenter and make space. After you admit your blind spots, become receptive to your child’s feelings, and do your own research to better understand, make room. Avoid hijacking the dialogue or overwriting their experience with your own. Let them take ownership of the moment to establish their sense of self-esteem. 

• Avoid victim-blaming. Your child cannot save you, nor do they have the capacity to comfort you in their moment of need. Something I often hear from children is the immense guilt they feel about being a burden. While I understand the frustration you might be having around their challenges, meeting their fragility with pity cries of ‘where did I go wrong’ is not productive. Their behavior is not a result of your shortcomings. This leads me to my final point.

• Acceptance. Accepting your child for exactly who they are and where they are is the formula for peace and reconciliation in your relationship. Letting go of your expectations and yielding to the moment can create a path forward for the healing process. 

Our children are our most sensitive vulnerabilities. The simple result that we hear from you most often is a desperate cry to “just make my child okay.” At Urban Playology, we help families water seeds of resiliency to aid in that process by serving as your active ally through our services. As a stakeholder in the fight for your child’s well-being, will you join us? Let’s get to work.